maybe if i never cared.

why does it hurt so much

when i remember you and what you meant,

remember the way you used to smile and tease,

the smell, hugs and the way you looked at me.

to think that i'll never see like that again,

never get you to look at me like that again,

it hurts. so much.

i honestly don't want to shed any more tears over you,

there isn't any energy, water and emotion left in me.

it'll hurt too much to think of you again,

hurt too much to remember what i lost again.

why does it seem that to me,

you don't even care anymore? 

its like we never happened,

you're standing there smiling while i sit over here falling,

falling apart,

falling into pieces.

without you im just figure full of memories of you.

no one wants to wipe away my tears anymore.

that was once your hand, but since its gone the tissues can't catch the tears like you did.

no one wants to hear me in pain anymore,

even i don't want to hear myself cry in pain anymore.

every time i think of you,

i wish i never had you to begin with 

if it means i dont have to feel this pain again.

i vow to not fall again,

not fall for anyone's charm

to not fall for the warmth and safety of their arms

because in the end it's going to hurt more. 

i'm going to cry more,

i'm going to want more. want you more. everytime. 

its not worth it. they say its worth the happiness and smiles,

but really it's not. this pain digs in deeper so much more.

believe me when i say that i wish i never cared.

ever.

ghosts.

Her tears she sheds does not justify,
the killing pain she feels inside.
His soft words spoken from his lips,
does not rectify the anger he pents up tight.

The dream is broken.
The glass has shattered,
unconceivable
undeniable
a twist of fate
brings the haunting reality.

The smudged eyeliner on her face
the black lines on her cheeks
mask the lack of compose in herself.

His tensing fists
full of frustration and emotion
can barely control the monster within.

Standing in the same room
Yet breathing in opposite realms
How could two beings once be so close,
yet now unable to fathom such sentiment?


What they had experienced;
the smiles
the fights
the silence
the touch
the look
the smell
the secrets
the words exchanged..

now meaningless,
empty and a ghost of the past.

Priorities

I don't want to fade into the background
I don't want to be your toy
I'm not something to entertain you when you're bored,
I'm not someone to be there when you want.

The things i can't tell you,
those words i won't say,
so you can learn yourself
to learn how to prioritise.

All i can see
is that i've become something that you take as you please;
what have you given up to be with me?
I'm sitting here waiting for you to hear my plead
but all i can hear is the white noise inside my head.
I'm not going to sit around forever,
I need you to want me to stay around,
show me that you want me to be with you.

Because all i can see now,
is you living your life,
unchanged even after i have become part of it.
I wish it were otherwise.