maybe if i never cared.

why does it hurt so much

when i remember you and what you meant,

remember the way you used to smile and tease,

the smell, hugs and the way you looked at me.

to think that i'll never see like that again,

never get you to look at me like that again,

it hurts. so much.

i honestly don't want to shed any more tears over you,

there isn't any energy, water and emotion left in me.

it'll hurt too much to think of you again,

hurt too much to remember what i lost again.

why does it seem that to me,

you don't even care anymore? 

its like we never happened,

you're standing there smiling while i sit over here falling,

falling apart,

falling into pieces.

without you im just figure full of memories of you.

no one wants to wipe away my tears anymore.

that was once your hand, but since its gone the tissues can't catch the tears like you did.

no one wants to hear me in pain anymore,

even i don't want to hear myself cry in pain anymore.

every time i think of you,

i wish i never had you to begin with 

if it means i dont have to feel this pain again.

i vow to not fall again,

not fall for anyone's charm

to not fall for the warmth and safety of their arms

because in the end it's going to hurt more. 

i'm going to cry more,

i'm going to want more. want you more. everytime. 

its not worth it. they say its worth the happiness and smiles,

but really it's not. this pain digs in deeper so much more.

believe me when i say that i wish i never cared.

ever.